Doing My Own Thing

 I'm sitting on this chair, just thinking of how fucking blessed I am. this is not for any class thing I'm just on a rant. Honestly there is too much to say about this because;

1: my mind is giving me all these crazy new ideas to say that I can say anything. You ever get that?

2: Where I'm from, you are usually dead by 17-25 or incrassated and to me in a fucking school doing what I love is something that will stick with me forever

3: Life is so fucking good right now, I'm swearing because I can't find another way to express my joy than to swear. 

    I do however fear what goes on in my own head. You wouldn't understand even if I told you twice. the ideas of new shit to do and new bridges to cross scares even myself. The video that I have on my last blog post was suppose to be me opening up a little so you can know who the fuck I am... but If I'm being honest, that was penniless to vast, dark uncanny side I dear not show. 

    I fear my own creativity. God has burdened me with a never rested mind. It can be music, it can be technology, it can be poetry. I never stop thinking. Most night when I try to sleep at a decent time, I am trapped in this circular momentum of thought, hindering my ability to fall into a deep restful sleep. It is when I have to stay up and act upon an idea for my brain to tire out and that, my friend is when I can actually fall asleep.  

But I fear sleep the more. have you ever had a dream so distant and discombobulated yet so real and with meaning. it happens so too often. I have created whole movies in my head, books, games, apps, I've been  to mars, to another plant that is 440 trillion light years away. I met the occupants of that very planet! What they said to me was so confusing yet so relevant! dreams that I had many moons ago are starting to take form in the real  world. I knew about the toilet paper frenzy years ago! I know who someone is without very talking to them, yet these are all visions and dreams I have on a daily basses. I can say this, something might happen in 2021. I won't say much about it to burden you but 2020 was just a test. 

would I ever wish I was normal, Fuck no. I know I'm not normal nor an I even close to it. To talk, is to waste thoughts through tongue. to know, is to keep silence and view your surroundings as it truly is. Life is fucking good... Because I am at peace.